I usually write my blog posts on Thursdays (when I’m in town) so as I write this we are celebrating the summer solstice; the longest day of the year and the start of the summer season. It’s actually a gorgeous one here in St. John’s Newfoundland. Us Newfoundlanders live in a perpetual state of hope, especially when it comes to the weather, so we are hopeful today that this is a sign of good summer weather to come, lol.
Today, to honour the summer solstice…
I hiked Signal Hill trail at sunrise and will do it again at sunset. We are the first in North America to see the sun and so it always fills my heart to see it rise out of the North Atlantic ocean. As you can tell from the photos, it rose in glory this morning.
This is my third year honouring the summer solstice this way. The first year I did it on my own, last year my friend Danielle and I did it and now this year I shared it with most of the members of my rowing team. I love my team and it’s been so much fun to hang out with them every morning. Which got me thinking about the idea of tribes and writing this blog post today.
What comes to my mind is… do we really need to have a tribe?
If you are on social media at all you will see a lot of talk of tribes, especially for women. The idea of having a group of friends that you spend time with, lean on and share your deepest darkest secrets with. And if you don’t have a group of friends like this? What does that mean about your life and happiness?
Honestly, I feel that the idea that we must have a tribe is yet another standard that we are expected to live up to. If we don’t fit the Instagram image of 2018’s version of Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda there is something wrong with us.
I call BS on it all!
I count myself fortunate that I do have a lot of friends, male and female. Some of these friends I’ve known since I was in kindergarten, some I’ve only known a few months and many in between. I see some friends regularly and some I hardly see at all. I have my hometown friends, university days friends, friends from my time in Toronto, friends from my time in IT, friends from my party days and friends from my yoga world. In writing this I realized I have a lot of friends.
But here’s the thing… even with all those friends, I spend an awful lot of time on my own or with my husband. I do not have a very active social life and I am 100% okay with that, it works perfectly for me. While right now I have my rowing crew that I see most every morning, most of the year I spend time with one or two friends every week or so. I also don’t text or call friends often. Besides my husband, my mom would be the person I talk to the most.
I have friends who see their ‘tribe’ friends almost every day or at least every week and text / talk daily and that works for them. If I was to compare myself to them and social media (which I have in the past) I’d feel like a friend failure.
The one thing yoga has taught me…
(It’s International Day of Yoga too) is that we are all unique individuals and our job in life is to figure out who we are and in turn, what we resonate with. I resonate with being an introvert who loves to have great conversations every now and then. I don’t resonate with a lot in my social calendar or with big groups. I always say to my husband that six is the max number I enjoy eating out in a restaurant with, any more and I get anxious about how long it all takes and the buzzy energy of many people talking at the same time.
I know though that if I needed to call on one of my good friends, they would be there for me and if they called me, I would be there for them. I know that if I need to talk something through with someone I can find the right person to share with. And for me, that’s all I need.
I wonder does age have anything to do with it?
For most of my teens, 20s and 30s I did have a tribe I hung out with ALL THE TIME. I was a social butterfly and did everything with my girl (and some guy) friends. I also joke with my husband that I used up all my extrovert energy when I was younger and now I’m conserving it. I don’t know if others are like that but I certainly noticed a change in my late 30s. I often chose to stay home on a Friday or Saturday night over going out with my friends.
Who knows… maybe I’ll grow old and lonely and die young because I don’t have a tribe I share with every day or week. Or maybe I’d die of anxiety of I did, lol. For now, I’m happy with the way things are… lots of great friends, not sharing every day and keeping it meaningful when I do.
I’d LOVE to hear from you. Comment below or hit reply to my newsletter. Do you have a tribe that you spend a lot of time with? Do you feel the pressure to have one? Are you okay with the way things are with you?
I’m with you! To me, a tribe includes my family, often extended, and a few close friends. I have neither the time nor the energy for much more. 🙂
I think family is the most important part of a tribe that often gets overlooked on social media. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Steph!